More than watchmen

I recently learned about prayer from a mission trip. My team experienced powerful prayers that brought so much joy to our team. Personally, God confronted me about my sin of disbelief and lack of faith when I prayed. All this time, without me being aware of it, I treated my prayers as some things that I filed up in the air. Whatever happens, it is up to God as long as I had talked to God about it; as long as I have given it up to God. It seems like nothing wrong with the sentences before; yet, I let my prayers hanging up in the air like clouds in the sky. 

God unveiled to me how I did not care about my prayers and that letting my prayers hanging up in the air was not the right heart attitude I should have. These past years I struggled with the idea that God was a wicked God who had shattered my dreams; a God who shaped me to be strong so that I can face any pain. God confronted all of those. 

God wants me to own my prayers, He wants me to trust Him-that He is the God who is able, able to do impossible things for me, able to make me happy, able to assure my future; He is strong, strong to carry me through the pain, strong to protect me, strong to be my anchor; He is kind, gentle, sweet, and beautiful, He cares about my feelings. He is not the God to whom I need to enslave myself. He is the God who loves me and wants the best for me. Somehow, I did not trust Him and I did not belief that He was all of those.

God has increased my faith by confronting my prayer attitude. I remember these past few months I had been praying to  have bigger faith, faith to move the mountains, faith to walk on water and He answered! He answered but I was not aware of His answer because I did not care of my prayers because I did not have faith, I did not think God would answer, I did not belief He would care and do what I prayed for. Therefore, I did not wait on Him to answer my prayers. I did not expect Him to act. I did not wait in expectancy (Psalm 5:3) like watchmen waiting for the morning dawn (Psalm 130:6). It was because I lacked of faith and I did not believe Him.

I thank God that He revealed. Once said when you encounter God, you could not and you should not stay the same. It’s true. My prayer life, and my understanding and my attitude about waiting have changed since the conviction. I hope I will always be reminded about this and I can keep it up.